The Perfect Rose Origin Story: Catch Your Own Fish

 

Have you ever asked a question, and then spent your whole life trying to find the answer—only to realize, somewhere along the way, that you forgot the question you started with?

Ever since I was young, I've been fascinated by the question of what is actually true.

There was an experience in my childhood that changed the trajectory of my family.

My mom used to say to me, "You don't remember. You were too young. You don't remember."

And just recently, I realized—

I do remember.

I remember a few years even before the incident happened. I remember how I actually thought we were living this Leave It to Beaver kind of life.

And then something happened—or was perceived to be traumatic—and it changed the whole trajectory of our lives.

And I remember tugging on my father's pant leg and saying,

"Daddy, shouldn't you do this?"

And his answer never made sense to me.

And I think that's where something began in me.

Because when I look back, I don't remember myself as a fearful child.

I remember being fearless.

I remember being curious.

I remember asking questions.

Something happened, or was deemed to be trauma, but what I experienced as a child was simply this:

I asked a question.

And the answer I received didn't make sense to me.

And that made me wonder—

Where is the truth in this?

And I've been a truth seeker and a spiritual scientist my whole life, trying to find the answer to that question.

I also consider myself a nonconformist.

But for me, being a nonconformist doesn't mean rejecting everything.

It means I'm not willing to believe that one person, one teaching, one religion, or one system has the only answer.

So I would immerse myself in a particular teaching because I wanted to understand it.

I'd find answers there.

I'd discover things that were true for me there.

And then life would present me with another question—and the answer wouldn't be available within that system.

And eventually I'd notice something that didn't sit right with me.

So often, it seemed to come back to the idea that, "This is the way. This is the ONLY way."

And something in me would say,

"No. That doesn't feel right."

So I'd go deeper into something else.

And I'd find more answers there.

And then something else would happen, and I'd go looking again.

Over time, I realized I wasn't looking for a system to belong to.

I was looking for the common thread.

What is true across all of these teachings?

What keeps showing up?

What can I actually experience?

What works?

And I began to see spirituality in a much more all-encompassing way.

Because if God is truly God, how could God be contained within only one teaching?

Only one religion?

Only one philosophy?

Only one person's understanding?

What I have come to know is that God is in everything.

Not just one teaching.

Not just one path.

Not just one anything.

In all of it.

And that doesn't mean that everything anyone teaches is automatically true or that every teaching is equally useful.

It means I'm willing to look for the truth that may be present within each of them.

That's a big part of why I call myself a nonconformist.

Because I don't believe the answer is necessarily in choosing one side and putting blinders on.

In fact, I feel in my heart that some of the real problems on this planet are caused by the use of power—and the misuse of it.

It's that horse with the blinders on saying,

"My way is the only way."

That's where the problem lies.

Because the moment I decide that my way is the only way, I no longer have to listen.

I no longer have to be curious.

I no longer have to look at what might be true somewhere else.

And that has never been how I've approached my spiritual journey.

I've explored teachings. I've studied. I've experimented with different tools and practices.

And whenever I found something that changed something in me, I wanted to share it with other people.

There was even a point in my journey where I'd go to buy a book for myself and somehow be guided to buy ten extra copies for other people.

And over time, I'd just know who those books were meant for.

Because I wasn't interested in collecting information.

I wanted to experience it.

And then, if it worked for me, I wanted to share the possibility with someone else.

Not by saying,

"This is the answer."

But by saying,

"I came across this. I tried it. It genuinely made a difference for me.

Maybe it can assist you too.

But you won't know until you try."

And that distinction became really important to me.

Because sometimes I'm very firm about how I want a particular tool to be used.

And that isn't about controlling somebody.

It's because I've tested it.

I've seen what happens when it's used a certain way.

I've seen it backfire.

And if I'm sharing it with you, I want your experience with it to be as positive as possible.

I feel like, in some way, I agreed to take the long, hard road.

To experiment.

To question.

To test things for myself.

To experience the consequences.

And maybe that's given me the ability to relate to people at different stages of their journey.

But even with everything I've learned, I don't think the greatest gift I can give somebody is to tell them what their truth is.

I think the greatest gift I can give them is the tested version of what I've discovered—

and then let them decide whether it assists them as much as it assisted me.

That's actually where the deck of cards came from.

When I was working at the casino, we had clear purses, so I'd bring different things with me to work. If I'd bought a new deck, I'd bring it. I had a favorite fairy deck that I absolutely loved.

It was a very positive deck. The cards made me happy.

Sometimes I'd do little spreads for myself on my break, just to lift my energy and keep my vibration up.

But if I was on a break with a coworker, I'd share the cards with them.

They'd pull one card.

They'd read the message.

And I'd watch them glow.

And I started noticing something.

A lot of my coworkers were interested in these kinds of things, but they were busy. They didn't feel like they had enough time to read an entire book and actually absorb the information.

There were times when I'd buy audio programs and we'd copy them and they'd listen to them. Some people would do it, and it was great.

But I kept noticing how difficult it was for people to make the time.

And then I'd watch somebody pull one card on their break, read one positive message—

and glow for the rest of the day.

And I thought,

"Oh my gosh."

Maybe if I created a spiritual journey in a deck of cards, it would be easier for people to retain the information.

Maybe they could pull one card, take one idea, and actually try to apply it to their life.

And I realized—

I want to make that kind of an impact on people.

Then, in 2002, I attended a five-day intensive workshop in Laguna Beach, California.

And during that workshop, I heard something — audibly.

Your purpose is to recognize your divine nature. And assist others in doing the same.

My first response was honest.

"Is that all?"

As if it were a small ask.

But it isn't small. It's actually enormous.

Because it starts with me. First, recognize it in myself. And then — and only then — assist others in doing the same.

I came home and kept living my life, kept immersing myself in my spirituality. But I kept asking — because I could feel there was something more specific waiting for me. I was sitting within someone else's mission. What was mine?

And then I was shown.

In a vision, I saw my deck of cards — The Perfect Rose Deck. The whole thing, in about an hour. I was trying to hold onto every piece of it as fast as it came.

And I realized —

Oh my God. It's my whole life. Converted into a deck of cards.

Everything I had dedicated myself to learning and testing and living — offered in bite-sized pieces that people could actually apply. Something accessible for the busy ones, the skeptical ones, the ones who aren't wired like me to immerse themselves completely. I was guided to go deep. That was my path. But it doesn't have to be theirs.

Because that's really the point.

I can tell you all the beautiful things that have happened on my spiritual journey.

But it's nothing until it happens to you.

I know what it's like to have these extraordinary experiences and sometimes not have very many people around you who understand what you're talking about.

Because sometimes the universe would actually talk to me.

I remember praying one time and saying,

"Listen, if I'm going in the right direction, let me know.

If I am, I want a fish to jump out of the water right around here."

And it did.

A fish jumped out of the water.

And I remember thinking,

"Oh my gosh.

I asked for that."

Those moments were magical for me.

But they could also be lonely, because what do you do when something extraordinary happens and you don't have people around you who really understand what you're talking about?

And that's where something else became clear to me.

I don't want to spend my life telling people about my fish.

I want to create a space where they can have their own.

Where they can apply these teachings.

Where they can experiment.

Where they can ask their own questions.

Where they can find their own answers.

Where they can have their own synchronicities, their own signs, their own magical moments.

Where they can catch their own fish.

And not only experience it—

but have somebody say,

"Oh my gosh! Look what happened to you!"

And celebrate it with them.

Because maybe that's what I was looking for all along.

Not somebody to give me the answer.

But a place where I could ask the question, explore it, experience it, and discover the answer for myself.

And I think that's really where my work—and this community—comes from.

Not from me having all the answers.

Not from telling you what you have to believe.

But from a little girl who asked a question, spent a lifetime searching for the truth, and eventually discovered that maybe the greatest gift isn't giving somebody your answer at all.

Maybe it's sharing what you've tested, what you've discovered, and what may assist them—

and then giving them the freedom to find out for themselves.

And maybe, along the way,

they catch their own fish.

https://www.theperfectrose.ca/ 

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Sometimes Mom Knows Better Than Any Guru

 

 

The past few years have been very interesting for me. Not wonderful by any means, just interesting. Interesting because the things that have been buried beyond what I have done work on and have seen have come up to the surface. And while they have, they have given me a sense of clarity about other people’s intentions, their pain, and their reasoning behind their behaviors.

 

I have always been pretty good at seeing these things, but in these past few years it has just become so, so clear. I also realized the beliefs that I had that made some people’s treatment of me and their behaviors a bit more acceptable than actually perhaps they should have been. I liken it to a story someone said to me years ago when I was working in an environment that over time continued to shift and become more dysfunctional. 

My friend said, “How do you cook a frog?”

 

I said, “Huh?”

 

They said, “How do you cook a live frog?”

 

I said, “I don’t know.”

 

They said, “You take the frog and gradually keep turning up the heat and eventually the frog is ‘cooked’ and it doesn’t even know it! That is how you cook a frog.”

 

If any of you have been reading my shares recently—the ones I have been creating from within myself—you will notice I have been sharing some deep realizations, and I have had many, many more. I have been told by my guides that there are many parts of my journey that are important to share, because by not sharing them, people miss out on ways I have moved through situations—ways they can apply in their own lives to see how their lives improve as a result.

 

This story is older, but it is tied to a recent interaction on social media where I could see it turning into an exhausting debate. Truthfully, I was so happy with what I had uncovered about myself, my beliefs, and my life, and why I felt some of my relationships were just not feeling the way I had hoped they would or could.

 

I will say I feel I do know myself pretty well. You can’t do this deep internal work for the amount of years I have done it and not know yourself. I also know that when I came across various teachings, I did immerse myself in them fully, and I would do that until something just didn’t totally make sense to me anymore.

 

One of these is the mirror effect—that there is no one out there and everyone is me. Oh boy, did I have a blast learning that one (I am totally lying here).

 

Okay, so here is the story. This happened many years ago when I was always asking the questions about “how did I create this?”, “what did I do ‘wrong’?”, and the very simple one, “what is happening here?”

 

For many years I had been seeing a younger man on and off from a specific culture. Most of the time when I would interact with him in public, he would be surrounded by a group of his friends, and me—I was alone and confident, and I would be dressed up and enjoying myself and dancing and interacting with the people within the clubs and such. It is easy to play the big shot or to play various games when you are surrounded by a crowd. Let’s see how someone behaves when they are not, but that is a bit of history I am giving here. I am giving this background because this relationship was formed within the public eye, or at least witnessed that way. I feel I behaved very well considering the dynamic and the culture they came from.

 

Now we are going to get into the practical stuff. I needed a repair on my vehicle and I decided to take it to a garage that was not far from where I live. The people that owned the place were from the same ethnic background as he was, and the owner was closer to my age. He also knew of my relationship with this younger man, but I never actually knew what people had heard about it.

 

The wildest part is that there were the exact same years of difference between myself and this younger man as there was with me and Steve [my ex that I lived with and was committed to for many years], just in the opposite direction. I am mentioning this because when the roles are reversed, society seems to view things much differently. Before, I was the younger person, and now, I am the older one. This was not a short experience with this younger man—actually, this younger person has been in my life now for 18 years, so we are talking a pretty long time. I would say this incident may have happened 10 or 12 years ago, but it came up recently as a reminder of the dynamic that I had been in and have navigated on my own as a single older woman.

 

So, I bring my car in for a diagnosis of what it needs and how much it may cost to fix it. While I am waiting with the car, the owner invited me to go with him to Tim Hortons for a coffee. I know he had seen me over the years jogging, and I also knew he knew about my relationship with this younger man. One thing I did not know is what was actually said about me. I also knew he saw me out in public many times, and I know I carried myself very well. How could I not? I was out in all of these places alone with no other people to perform with or to take care of me if I acted out.

 

So here this guy is in this public place with me, and he says: “I know you are tight on funds. I will do the labor for you for free if you sleep with me and buy the parts.”

 

My answer is: “Well, why can’t there be some type of courting or something? This doesn’t feel right to me. You are closer to my age. Why are you not asking to take me out on a date or something?”

 

His answer was: “I am not sure how you will behave in public.”

 

My answer: “Well, I would not even consider dating or having sex with anyone if I were concerned that they could not behave properly in public.”

 

I just don’t understand this at all. Anyway, I am a bit uncomfortable and upset, and I say: “I think we should go back and see what the boys think about what is wrong with my car.”

 

I drove home alone, replaying the whole thing. Not angry yet—just confused. Picking myself apart the way I'd been taught to: What did I put out there? What did I do wrong? How did he get that impression of me?

 

And then, just like she was sitting beside me, my mom's spirit came in. Not during meditation. Not in a ceremony. Just me, in my car, on the way home.

 

She said: "Rose Ann (I always know it is a loved one because they call me by my given name) Above the line, below the line [love and fear] is very good in many cases, but this is not one of them because you see—sometimes, sweetheart... an asshole is just an asshole."

 

That was my mom. Right on time.

 

I know many of us don’t like to believe how “right” our parents' advice is when they are still alive. You know that good old “I told you so!”

But from spirit, I have to say my mom has always been right!

I love you, Ma!

#roseannkulyk #ThePerfectRose #honesty #MomKnowsBest #discernment #mirrors #nooneisoutthere #truth #spirituality #assignment #guides

 

The Validation I Was Truly Seeking

A couple of years ago, I decided to launch a Beta Group, marking a shift towards my deeper mission. It was time for me to truly embody my work, moving beyond just facilitating tools and modalities I'd learned from others. I wanted to surround myself with people who could fully see and appreciate the depth of what my conscious work could offer them.

Unfortunately, a few voices in that group left me with a strange, unsettling feeling. For years afterward, their words echoed in my mind, refusing to be shaken or "let go."

One client bluntly stated, "Who cares how people treat you as long as they get what they want!" This jarring sentiment would resurface, alongside other challenging interactions from over the years, constantly demanding my attention.

Another client declared, "When people come to you, they want something from you. Your job is to give them what they want." My immediate response was, "If I gave everyone that came into my life what they 'wanted' from me, I would have nothing left." This exchange truly encapsulated the immense pressure I felt.

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The Beginning of This Year: A Profound Shift

This year, a major personal shift occurred. My body simply couldn't carry the external stress from potential clients, or the weight of being misunderstood and unheard, anymore. This pattern absolutely had to end.

I've consciously stepped back from others' goals to truly align with my own inner guidance. Yes, this has come with a price – both financial and human. Yet, it has also profoundly shown me that my deep empathy and ability to serve others stems directly from my own lived experiences.

While I can hold so much space for many, I've rarely received that same courtesy in return. I realized that when I simply asked for testimonials from those I'd helped, it often felt like a power struggle, as if I was seeking validation for my gifts from them.

Let me be clear: I've faced enough judgment for my gifts that external validation isn't why I do this work. I only asked for testimonials to help other potential clients feel safe and confident in working with me.

What I've now come to understand is that the "validation" I was truly seeking was the authentic reciprocation of my own feelings. The years of dedication, the emotional labor of sitting with and supporting others through their heavy emotions – this was the emotional investment that felt profoundly discounted. My feelings were consistently overlooked.

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Self-Compassion and Boundaries

It's a curious paradox: my work is entirely about feelings, yet when I shared my own, they often went unseen. It's almost as if my capacity to help others so well led them to believe I couldn't possibly have emotional needs myself. A huge disconnect.

Now I see much more clearly why I pulled back. Memories resurfaced, illuminating countless times when my pain went unacknowledged because we were so busy honoring others'.

This introspection has been the most profound gift I've given myself, even if the primary source of support wasn't human. It helps me understand why, during the pandemic, I questioned if I even liked humans.

 It's truly challenging to want to help people when you're grappling with whether you genuinely like them. I know I love them, I understand them, but the "liking" is a deeper question I'm still exploring.

NOTE: This post was written over a year ago. 

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#SelfValidation #PersonalGrowth  #SettingBoundaries  #EmpathyBurnout  #EmotionalLabor  #AuthenticSelf   #HealingJourney  #CompassionFatigue #EnergyExchange #LifeCoach