The past few years have been
very interesting for me. Not wonderful by any means, just interesting.
Interesting because the things that have been buried beyond what I have done
work on and have seen have come up to the surface. And while they have, they have
given me a sense of clarity about other people’s intentions, their pain, and
their reasoning behind their behaviors.
I have always been pretty good at seeing these things, but in these past few years it has just become so, so clear. I also realized the beliefs that I had that made some people’s treatment of me and their behaviors a bit more acceptable than actually perhaps they should have been. I liken it to a story someone said to me years ago when I was working in an environment that over time continued to shift and become more dysfunctional.
My friend said, “How do you cook a frog?”
I said, “Huh?”
They said, “How do you cook a
live frog?”
I said, “I don’t know.”
They said, “You take the frog
and gradually keep turning up the heat and eventually the frog is ‘cooked’ and
it doesn’t even know it! That is how you cook a frog.”
If any of you have been reading
my shares recently—the ones I have been creating from within myself—you will
notice I have been sharing some deep realizations, and I have had many, many
more. I have been told by my guides that there are many parts of my journey
that are important to share, because by not sharing them, people miss out on
ways I have moved through situations—ways they can apply in their own lives to
see how their lives improve as a result.
This story is older, but it is
tied to a recent interaction on social media where I could see it turning into
an exhausting debate. Truthfully, I was so happy with what I had uncovered
about myself, my beliefs, and my life, and why I felt some of my relationships
were just not feeling the way I had hoped they would or could.
I will say I feel I do know
myself pretty well. You can’t do this deep internal work for the amount of
years I have done it and not know yourself. I also know that when I came across
various teachings, I did immerse myself in them fully, and I would do that
until something just didn’t totally make sense to me anymore.
One of these is the mirror
effect—that there is no one out there and everyone is me. Oh boy, did I have a
blast learning that one (I am totally lying here).
Okay, so here is the story. This
happened many years ago when I was always asking the questions about “how did I
create this?”, “what did I do ‘wrong’?”, and the very simple one, “what is
happening here?”
For many years I had been seeing
a younger man on and off from a specific culture. Most of the time when I would
interact with him in public, he would be surrounded by a group of his friends,
and me—I was alone and confident, and I would be dressed up and enjoying myself
and dancing and interacting with the people within the clubs and such. It is
easy to play the big shot or to play various games when you are surrounded by a
crowd. Let’s see how someone behaves when they are not, but that is a bit of history
I am giving here. I am giving this background because this relationship was
formed within the public eye, or at least witnessed that way. I feel I behaved
very well considering the dynamic and the culture they came from.
Now we are going to get into the
practical stuff. I needed a repair on my vehicle and I decided to take it to a
garage that was not far from where I live. The people that owned the place were
from the same ethnic background as he was, and the owner was closer to my age.
He also knew of my relationship with this younger man, but I never actually
knew what people had heard about it.
The wildest part is that there
were the exact same years of difference between myself and this younger man as
there was with me and Steve [my ex that I lived with and was committed to for
many years], just in the opposite direction. I am mentioning this because when
the roles are reversed, society seems to view things much differently. Before,
I was the younger person, and now, I am the older one. This was not a short
experience with this younger man—actually, this younger person has been in my
life now for 18 years, so we are talking a pretty long time. I would say this
incident may have happened 10 or 12 years ago, but it came up recently as a
reminder of the dynamic that I had been in and have navigated on my own as a
single older woman.
So, I bring my car in for a
diagnosis of what it needs and how much it may cost to fix it. While I am
waiting with the car, the owner invited me to go with him to Tim Hortons for a
coffee. I know he had seen me over the years jogging, and I also knew he knew
about my relationship with this younger man. One thing I did not know is what
was actually said about me. I also knew he saw me out in public many times, and
I know I carried myself very well. How could I not? I was out in all of these
places alone with no other people to perform with or to take care of me if I
acted out.
So here this guy is in this
public place with me, and he says: “I know you are tight on funds. I will do
the labor for you for free if you sleep with me and buy the parts.”
My answer is: “Well, why can’t
there be some type of courting or something? This doesn’t feel right to me. You
are closer to my age. Why are you not asking to take me out on a date or
something?”
His answer was: “I am not sure
how you will behave in public.”
My answer: “Well, I would not
even consider dating or having sex with anyone if I were concerned that they
could not behave properly in public.”
I just don’t understand this at
all. Anyway, I am a bit uncomfortable and upset, and I say: “I think we should
go back and see what the boys think about what is wrong with my car.”
I drove home alone, replaying
the whole thing. Not angry yet—just confused. Picking myself apart the way I'd
been taught to: What did I put out there? What did I do wrong? How did he get
that impression of me?
And then, just like she was
sitting beside me, my mom's spirit came in. Not during meditation. Not in a
ceremony. Just me, in my car, on the way home.
She said: "Rose Ann (I
always know it is a loved one because they call me by my given name) Above the
line, below the line [love and fear] is very good in many cases, but this is
not one of them because you see—sometimes, sweetheart... an asshole is just an
asshole."
That was my mom. Right on time.
I
know many of us don’t like to believe how “right” our parents' advice is when
they are still alive. You know that good old “I told you so!”
But from spirit, I have to say my mom has always been right!
I love you, Ma!
#roseannkulyk #ThePerfectRose #honesty #MomKnowsBest #discernment #mirrors #nooneisoutthere #truth #spirituality #assignment #guides
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