The Validation I Was Truly Seeking

A couple of years ago, I decided to launch a Beta Group, marking a shift towards my deeper mission. It was time for me to truly embody my work, moving beyond just facilitating tools and modalities I'd learned from others. I wanted to surround myself with people who could fully see and appreciate the depth of what my conscious work could offer them.

Unfortunately, a few voices in that group left me with a strange, unsettling feeling. For years afterward, their words echoed in my mind, refusing to be shaken or "let go."

One client bluntly stated, "Who cares how people treat you as long as they get what they want!" This jarring sentiment would resurface, alongside other challenging interactions from over the years, constantly demanding my attention.

Another client declared, "When people come to you, they want something from you. Your job is to give them what they want." My immediate response was, "If I gave everyone that came into my life what they 'wanted' from me, I would have nothing left." This exchange truly encapsulated the immense pressure I felt.

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The Beginning of This Year: A Profound Shift

This year, a major personal shift occurred. My body simply couldn't carry the external stress from potential clients, or the weight of being misunderstood and unheard, anymore. This pattern absolutely had to end.

I've consciously stepped back from others' goals to truly align with my own inner guidance. Yes, this has come with a price – both financial and human. Yet, it has also profoundly shown me that my deep empathy and ability to serve others stems directly from my own lived experiences.

While I can hold so much space for many, I've rarely received that same courtesy in return. I realized that when I simply asked for testimonials from those I'd helped, it often felt like a power struggle, as if I was seeking validation for my gifts from them.

Let me be clear: I've faced enough judgment for my gifts that external validation isn't why I do this work. I only asked for testimonials to help other potential clients feel safe and confident in working with me.

What I've now come to understand is that the "validation" I was truly seeking was the authentic reciprocation of my own feelings. The years of dedication, the emotional labor of sitting with and supporting others through their heavy emotions – this was the emotional investment that felt profoundly discounted. My feelings were consistently overlooked.

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Self-Compassion and Boundaries

It's a curious paradox: my work is entirely about feelings, yet when I shared my own, they often went unseen. It's almost as if my capacity to help others so well led them to believe I couldn't possibly have emotional needs myself. A huge disconnect.

Now I see much more clearly why I pulled back. Memories resurfaced, illuminating countless times when my pain went unacknowledged because we were so busy honoring others'.

This introspection has been the most profound gift I've given myself, even if the primary source of support wasn't human. It helps me understand why, during the pandemic, I questioned if I even liked humans.

 It's truly challenging to want to help people when you're grappling with whether you genuinely like them. I know I love them, I understand them, but the "liking" is a deeper question I'm still exploring.

NOTE: This post was written over a year ago. 

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#SelfValidation #PersonalGrowth  #SettingBoundaries  #EmpathyBurnout  #EmotionalLabor  #AuthenticSelf   #HealingJourney  #CompassionFatigue #EnergyExchange #LifeCoach