Compassion vs. Enabling: The Day I Drew a Line in the Alley
Sometimes all it takes is a good scream… and a few heroic hands to show up at just the right moment.
I shared recently how I met a woman whose wheelchair was broken in an alley, where she had been stranded for two whole weeks.
The community had failed her, offering endless phone calls and empty promises ("nice" words), but no actual solutions.
When I stepped in and began the process of getting her a manual chair, removing the broken motorized one, and getting her a new phone, I felt an intense responsibility.
I’ll be honest: After hearing her painful stories, I felt overwhelmed. I wondered how I could immerse myself in this deep pain and still feel okay—how I could help her without fully absorbing her burden.
To be honest: I felt scared. What truly terrified me was the realization that she was younger than I am. I was concerned that the sheer volume of her despair would drain my energy and leave me unable to help either of us.
The Courage to Set a Boundary
This is where I learned the critical difference between Compassion and Enabling.
The next day, I showed up with absolute clarity and said something simple but powerful:
“I hear you. I’m not here to invalidate the painful things you’ve experienced. But if you want to move forward, I need a favor from you: start noticing these experiences and take responsibility for how you engage with them.”
It was a clear boundary designed to empower her. Doing this would make it easier to attract people and situations who genuinely care and can offer true assistance.
The Role of Laughter (And a Tiny Threat)
The tension in the air was thick, so I knew I needed to shift the energy to make the lesson stick.
At one point, I even teased her: “I got you that sexy wheelchair — but if you keep talking too much about the past, I’m going to have to spank that tiny butt of yours.”
She laughed so hard she nearly tipped forward!
(Full disclosure: I’m a little reluctant to make spanking threats a habit — some people actually like spankings, and I don’t want them lining up at my door. 😉)
That laugh did the trick. It helped both of us re-center and move the conversation toward what would actually help her next: action.
My Takeaways on Real Help
This moment taught me so much about showing up with courage:
Compassion doesn’t mean absorbing everything. It means offering your full presence, but not your entire energetic bank account.
Discernment in Action: Setting clear intentions and boundaries opens the door for true help.
Empowerment Over Change: We can’t change someone else — but we can empower them to step into aligned action and find their own agency.
💡 Reflection for you:
The people who left the woman stranded probably thought they were being "nice"—promising without ever following through. When have you needed to choose a courageous truth (a firm "no" or a clear boundary) over a "nice," hollow "yes?"
Share your experience in the comments below!
Lots of LOVE,
Rose and Friends (Furry and Unseen) 🌹🐾😇
